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To Be Honest.

I've been thinking a lot, and a lot has been going on. 


Lorde radio on Pandora is a good way to zone out. So is sewing, and doing all those other mindless activities I love, and that keep me happy.


I haven't written on this blog because to be honest, it's been difficult lately. To get the sob story quick and out of the way, I've been in a self-pity mode, and super down on myself. I had a very difficult time at BYU because of a crappy life occurrence that made the decision to leave the best decision of my life. It was hard to get my BFA between the BYU's when I transferred, and I couldn't work on a second diploma I was seeking. I ended up with the most amazing BFA situation though, and that has been a blessing. (And the most awesome thing happened too, obviously. --marriage! I would never ever change that!)

The last year into my BFA I found out definitive stuff about my dystonia, including no children. And the nursing program chase has not been going well. 

Long story short on that, it was nothing to do with my grades or anything like that. You guys heard the story... mix ups on residency and classes I actually did take that were not counted... to top it all off, Friday I found out BYU-I only sent 3/4 of an official transcript with my nutrition and chemistry missing. I must have looked really lacking. 

It's hard to sit there and pull every stop you can in classes like anatomy and math... literally I have gotten 100% and 100% and 100% in my math. MATH. (Is this Brennyn? haha.) Because I have been trying SO hard. It sucks to feel it basically isn't going anywhere for the time being. 

I have many good things going for me, but progressing dystonia, dealing with hopes of adopting children, and not being able to do what you want so badly because of sad mix ups and waiting...

I was playing games with God. 

You don't let me have a working body. You don't let me have a growing family. You don't let me do what I have been waiting to do for a while now.

With this application, I really played that game in my mind that God would let me have this one thing if he wouldn't let me have the others. I really thought this one thing would happen for me "on time" because I have been trying and waiting already, and this was also going to help us save more money for adoption and help me to do something to keep me happy despite other things in my life. I have righteous desires and am trying so hard to have a family and to serve.

I am. SO bad. at patience. 

Nailed it. And I should have known.

You want to know why I started this blog? To remind myself all the time of all the good things in my life. It's funny that I stayed away from it when all this was going on.

It's good to come back and realize that Austin and I are family, and there is a lot of things going right. 

Hello there, my wonderful husband who helps me hang shelves :)




I own my own illustration shop. I am an artist, and I also get to do illustration jobs with my mom. I work at McDonald's and I love it because it is a job I can do while going to school that gives us extra money on top of illustrating. I have made so many friends there, and have made great friends at school. I probably freak people out with how much I love my job, because truly I am grateful and know that that job keeps me able to support my husband and I, and gets us closer to family.

I have friends that take me out to dance and grab drinks downtown (shirley temple for silly old me :) )

I have been working to stay as healthy as I can, and have become great at GF cooking, and have changed some pants sizes :)

I am a darn good student, wife, and homemaker. If you are LDS, you know what I am talking about when I say I love, love, and love the Family Proclamation.  It is the number one thing that helps me retain my worth when I don't feel so great.

I've really developed some sweet self-sustaining skills. 

(Just last night we had winter storm winds that took out the power for 4 hours late at night after work. So this means 3am? Austin and I started freaking ourselves out over zombie apocalypses and did the "how would we travel? what if there were no batteries??"

So Austin totally got a food dehydrator with his birthday money to add to our canning stash downstairs. And a wind-up flashlight-radio resulted too. lol.



Plus having work means a little extra to get both of us some new Fall clothes, and spiff up our house :)



The homemaking gets a little crazy sometimes lol. Scarves and cleaning cloths. And aprons for more homemaking. 




(Omgsh Austin just said... "I wonder if you could dehydrate eggs...." Don't worry. It won't get too out of control. But if there's a zombie apocalypse....)

I learn new skills especially from friends such as Kefir


Okay maybe growing your own bacteria and fermenting coconut milk and straight apple juice may sound crazy... but 44 strains of bacteria as probiotics and preserved food in your own home?

Sweet. 

So... sorry if that was whiney and overly personal but I know sometimes I'd like to hear that no one's life is perfect and everyone has sucky situations. But I am telling you, this blog... the small things... is what will keep you sane. Focus on the positive, and you'll realize it's pretty good. 

(And... Austin's on to youtube videos of egg perserving and keeping the "rancid-ity out of eggs."

Yup. It's good.

Comments

  1. LaurenNovember 18, 2013 at 1:26 PM

    So i'm here to tell you, no one's life is perfect, and everyone has sucky situations, and it's okay to feel bad for yourself, and to mourn, and all that, and it's also wonderfully fine to come out of that when you feel like it's time to look around for the good. All the ups and downs are just great. Welcome back! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brennyn Torres CarmenNovember 19, 2013 at 5:20 PM

      Thanks so much Lauren! I really have always admired you and your honesty on your blog, so thanks :)

      Delete
  2. Rachel LewisNovember 18, 2013 at 3:01 PM

    I'm sorry things are so crappy right now Bren. :( I know a little bit of how that feels and it is draining and sucky. You are awesome and you do so much so keep looking forward and being as happy as you can in the now and everything will work out. Ps:
    1. Your hair is AWESOME! I love the length.
    2. I've heard you can freeze eggs. But that sounds gross.
    3. Love ya.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brennyn Torres CarmenNovember 19, 2013 at 5:22 PM

    Thanks Rachel :) I really wish we lived close by! Love you too! Yeah I thought it was pretty neasty too lol. I didn't even think about freezing eggs... new blog post?

    ReplyDelete

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